Hello to all, Hello to myself,
Yesterday, I injured my left knee. I was playing a recreational game of basketball and my knee gave out. It was something that I had not physically experienced to date… it was a scary and surreal moment. I went to see an urgent care doctor and he did not think there was any major damage. I have been laid up for the last 24 hours in pain. If things don’t get better, I will need to see an Orthopedist to see if there is any ligament damage. But for now, I am just trying to rest.
It is weird… whenever you have an experience that seriously impacts your physical body and your ability to engage your physical life in a normal/regular fashion, you would think that it is a good opportunity to engage your non-physical life… your true self. However, I feel more attached to my egoic self in this state of limitations… I cannot get away from my mind. I feel like the throbbing pain in my knee is not just limiting my mobility, but is trapping my mind in the continuous thoughts of my physical life.
I cannot do my work, I cannot participate in regular family and social activities. So… that is all I can think about. I am fixated on thoughts about missing work and missing out on current and future activities. It reminds me of a time when I worked for other people and I got laid off. In my early thirties, I was working as an architect in a midsize commercial architectural firm and the firm let me go. It was an interesting and scary thing to experience. I had “free” time in life for the first time in a very long time. I was not eager to find a job and get right back in the grind. I wanted to take advantage of my ‘freedom’ of time…. but, I didn’t have the financial means to go on vacation or travel. I thought that I would take my newly found freedom to spend some time figuring out what I really wanted to do with my life. In reality, I spent all of my time in constant fear and anxiety of how I would take care of my family. I would spend most of the time questioning my self-worth and value. I never got away from my ego… To the contrary, I was more imprisoned by my ego than when I was working (mobile).
I am fortunate that my current situation should not have much impact on my ability to produce income, as I work for myself and my temporary physical limitations will not greatly impact my business. None the less, I cannot get out of my MIND.
The one reminder that is activated by this injury is that I am a mind, body, and soul…. and I need to take care of them all.
Thank you for being, Michael.