Hello to all, Hello to myself,

Today, I was sitting with an older woman for a short period of time and we got to chatting.  I cannot remember exactly how it started, but we got on the topic of retirement.  She told me that she had just recently retired after 40+ years of working as a physical therapist.  She talked about her hopes for retirement… to take on new activities and hobbies.  She talked about her fears… her displacement from her identity as a therapist, her worries about having enough money in the future, and her trepidation about entering this journey, phase of her life, alone.  She was married at some point, I don’t know if her husband passed away or if they were divorced.  I shared with her that my mother was on the verge of retiring as a elementary school teacher and that she was a single woman as well.  My mother has been single for 32 years; my father passed when I was 7 years old and she has never remarried.

(sidenote: just saying that someone is ‘single’ sounds so weird/ridiculous in my head, I could easily turn this blog post on a dime and start rambling on the concept of “single vs. partnered or married”.  It raises so many philosophical and spiritual questions in the mind… like, ‘Is anyone single… Is everyone single… What is a partner…  but, hopefully those thoughts will come back to me on another day.)

Back to the chatting…

This sharing and openness lead to a discussion on family and human relationships that empower your heart and your soul.  She told me of her friend that is suffering from pancreatic cancer. She said that he was currently in hospice care.  She talked about how he is a model of giving to others and how he touches the hearts of all that he meets with humble kindness.  She expressed her admiration and gratitude that she got to know him during her life. This lead me to think about… and share with her how interesting and rich it is to feel completely thankful for someone when they have passed… to have the feeling that they left your cup full.  Often, we, selfishly, think about what we have lost or didn’t get enough of when someone in our lives leaves us.  We feel that our cup of them is half empty and something is unfair or wrong with this situation.  And, it is rare to just rejoice in the blessing of your shared time and space with them.  It is rare to simply think happy thoughts and be present with true gratitude…  What an awesome thing to experience that would be.

Somehow, that turned into us talking about relationships that are not full.  She talked about how she would be seeing her daughters for Christmas and that her daughters do not get along as well as she would like.  She questioned how to bring them together in each others lives more deeply and for more than a holiday dinner.  She was crying a bit as we talked.  I just mostly listened.  It was very touching and honest.

Then I had to leave, we said good-bye and she thanked me for the ‘wonderful’ conversation.

I agreed, it was a wonderful conversation.

It was random, it was unexpected, it was open, it was honest… I was thankful for her words of wisdom, her open mind and heart, her willingness to listen to my thoughts and questions.

A conversation is an interesting thing.  It can be very meaningful, it can be very mindful.  It is not the product of two or more people saying words at one another.  It is not an opportunity to show someone how smart you are.  A conversation is an opportunity to listen and be present.  I hope to participate in more good conversations.

Thank you for being, Michael.